Learning patience

I'm here, I've just been busy. I needed to take a break from blogging.

I'd like to say I'm going to blog more often, but honestly its hard to fit it in, life with two young children is very demanding, I'm busy even when I have nothing on. Teaching, cleaning, feeding, discipling, reading, playing, washing, then start again. Its never ending. I'm not complaining, just explaining, it doesn't leave much time for anything else.
Harper had an allergy testing review in January, we had great results. All of Harpers scores had come down, some a little, some a lot. Some so low we are able to do in hospital food challenges.
I was so shocked I couldn't process my thoughts, I was happy but unsure, getting your head around the fact that maybe the food once capable of a life threatening reaction could now be safe is hard to make sense of, but slowly I am, and I'm so thankful we are going to have a good chance at out growing these allergies. I dream about a day food allergies aren't the centre of my world.

Harper had his first challenge to cows milk last week and he failed. Just as I was starting to hold hope he failed. And it felt so gut wrenchingly disappointing that I wanted to hide in my room and scream, I wanted to cry and curse and let go. Because at that moment I felt like I was the toddler, unable to control my emotions and I sure as hell wanted to act like one. But I didn't. There were tears and silent screams, but I kept them at bay as I told myself to pull it together, I'd tell Harper to use his words in a moment like this, but right then I couldn't even take my own advice. I had no words left and even if I did, they just brought up more realisation that for now nothing can change.  

I've calmed down since Thursday, had time to think and deal with the words I didn't want to use.
We are on the right track, close to an end, we've had amazing results this year. More than I dared to hope for. We are winning, he is outgrowing all of his allergies, and if I'm patient fear of food will be nothing more than a memory of what life use to be like. Help me be patient.

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