Kinder and letting go. A life with allergies.
I've just walked in from Harper's three year old kinder orientation.
I've gone back and forth on the decision to send him to kinder so many times i've lost count. The anxiety that comes with letting go sneaks up on me and when it does its breathtaking. I'm fine, and then I'm not, its hard and terrifying, and I just wish it was over. I wish I didn't have to worry about food anymore. I know it could be far worse, I'm thankful everyday I have a healthy child, but the idea of him being in a room with 22 other three year olds eating food that could kill him is a lot to get your head around.
We had a meeting with staff today where we prepared an action plan, they are trying to find room in the kinder budget for an aid to be with Harper, as before age 4 the government doesn't fund an aid, fingers crossed.
I stumbled onto an allergy forum the other day, There was a mother complaining about how she couldn't understand why the 21 children in her child's class had to go without peanuts because one child was allergic, she couldn't see how it was fair. People like this infuriate me. Your poor child is not able to eat peanut products for a couple of hours. I can imagine how this must be so terrible for you. Did you stop and think of what life is like for the family with the allergy?
I wonder what type of mum I would be if I didn't have first hand experience...
Would I complain because I couldn't send a PB and jelly sandwich to kinder? Would I get annoyed every time I had to check a food label before closing the lunch box? If it didn't effect my child directly would I care? I hope so.
Before Harper I didn't know, I didn't understand allergies, the way they impact you entire life.
But now, now I know. I can tell you a dozen different names for milk, I can tell you if your child's eating while they play on the playground I'll have to leave. I know when your child rides in an ambulance they let you keep the sheet. I can tell you when you baby goes pale, floppy and lifeless in your arms your heart stops, but your mind races.
I pray I can stay calm, I hope I can be positive, there's no baby steps that come with handing over this kind of responsibility, I just have to educate them as well as I can, and have faith it will be ok.
So there is the long story of why it has been quite here. I've been spending my small amount of spare time, reading books and preparing for kinder.