This week we had kinder orientation. This year I decided you'd repeat 3Yo kinder. I say I because this was more my choice than your dads, which just made the decision even harder. It's decisions like these I wish we agreed on, then I wouldn't spend months doubting mine, but here we are. My decision, my shoulders.
As I've started preparing you for a new class with different friends and different teachers I can tell your becoming anxious. Most days before kinder you ask if Kale will be there, worried about the day he won't. You've come a long way this year, made a best-friend, found independence and gained trust in yourself. This decision has been agonising, making me restless, as I jumped back and forth, so many times, knowing deep down this was always the decision I'd make.
I want to be able to send you on, to have you with the friends you've made and not be repeating what you've already learnt. But I just can't.
I need you to have a better understanding of your allergies by the time you reach school age. I need for you to be safe, and one more year gives you a better chance of outgrowing some, maybe all of your allergies. I want you to know this decision never had anything to do with you intelligence. ever. Your smart, there's no hiding that. Don't ever question it, don't ever doubt it.
Next year brings change, because the time-frames have been shortened only fruit will be served. You'll be able to sit with everyone, no longer be singled out, you'll no longer have an aid. A year to belong.
Some people think it should have been like this from the beginning, I'm no so sure. Although there's been heartbreaking times this year, you've learnt a lot, you're learning boundaries. The escape from our safe home has opened your eyes to dangers that weren't obvious to you before. I hope that a year of being just another child in the class brings you out, I hope you belong. But more than anything I hope it doesn't leave you devastated the following year when things become difficult again.
No one said this was going to be easy, making decisions for my life is hard. Making decisions for your life is harder.
Harper, my first born, my first love. It doesn't matter what year you start school, because you were born to be great.
I love you
Mama
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