Growth in more ways that one.

On Monday Harper's turning three, two weeks later Charlie will turn one.

I'm not sure how we got here so quickly, but we did. Charlie's first year seems in part, a blur. Charlie's grown up quickly, but this time around I notice growth in different ways.

With Harper I could almost see him growing in front of my eyes. I'd watch as he tried and failed and tried again. Back then I had time, although I thought I didn't, I did. But in the same way all lessons are learnt I can only see that now. 

With Charlie I look at her and think, when did you get so big, I'd see her cruising and think, wow how long have you been able to do that, unable to pinpoint the moment it happened.

Although I don't have the same amount of time to enjoy Charlie, I do have the same amount of love. She'll never know what its like to not share a mummy, in the same way Harper will never remember life without her. And although Harper will always be our first, she will always be our second and being a second child comes with the bonus of having parents that have done it all before, practice does not always make perfect but we all learn from experience, making us better parents.

Being a mum comes with guilt, having another child and still being one person builds the guilt, I'm not sure if this gets worse with each child or you end up with so little time the guilt disappears with the time.

I do know the rewards far out way the guilt, and the sacrifices which once seemed like a big deal now seem silly. I know that you love each child so much you can't help but to want another one, knowing when to stop for me will be hard. But slowly I'm learning I am only one person, the more children I have the less time there will be.