trying to think of a way to explain how I'm feeling without people judging me. The truth is I still haven't found the words and don't think will.
The arrival of our daughter is fast approaching and excited as I am to meet our little girl, I can't help but to also feel...
sad.
these will be our last weeks as a family of three, the last weeks Harper and I have with just us. It will never again be the same and this terrifies me.
The idea that I'm never going to be able to give him what I can now upsets me. The thought of me losing my patience after nights without sleep, the idea he may wonder if I still love him the same, all these things they break my heart.
My OB explained a first child's experience of gaining a sibling, by asking me "how I would you feel if your husband suddenly got another wife, she moved in with you without any warning and you had no say in any of it?"
I have no doubt, I will love all my children equally, this is not a question of that. I guess I'm just nervous of the changes that are about to happen.
I have this fear too. I am so afraid that Tucker is going to feel unloved and neglected. But I have realized that at some point in the beginning he will feel this way. And all we can do as mother's is devote every spare second to making sure our boys feel our love <3
ReplyDeleteI had the exact same fear before our youngest was born: Isabelle was our only child for 6 years and it worried me so much that we wouldn't be as close, that she would feel sad and alone. But honestly, I can tell you that everything worked out just fine and now I can't even imagine it being any other way. Our girls have a bond that is beautiful to witness, it's really so special. Hang in there and allow yourself to feel these things, I think it's part of the process. I am so excited for you!!
ReplyDeleteHi there. I'm a new follower but I felt compelled to comment on this heart felt post. I totally understand what you're saying. I GET it. But do you remember back before you had a baby at all? I bet you knew in your mind that you would love him, but I also bet you had NO IDEA how deeply, passionately, truly indescribably you would love him. All I can say is as the birth of your second child approaches, the same is true. It is impossible to imagine how your heart will swell, how it is possible for you to have even more love in your bursting heart - for both of your children. But I promise you, you will. And your firstborn, your sweet child who for his entire life has been the center of your heart, he will only be the recipient of the multiplication of your love. You may feel as though you have less time for him, or that you're stretched beyond your ability to cope. I cannot say that will not happen. But remember that as you grow and change as a mother, so he will also grow and change. No, you will not have that one on one time back. And it's ok to feel nostalgic over that. But you will have so much more with the addition of your second child. Meet his needs as they need to be met, allow yourself to accept the changing landscape of your relationship, and embrace what's to come. As a mama to four, I can tell you it's good. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's totally normal what you're feeling. I too felt that way when I was pregnant with my second child. But the truth is once you're holding your baby, you'll feel totally different. Instead you'll think "this is how it's suppose to be" you'll feel complete. Hang in there! I can't wait to see photos of your baby girl.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, would you be interested in a Sponsor Swap? I'd love to exchange buttons with you. Let me know :)
I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my youngest. And you're right, it won't be the same......it'll be better.
ReplyDeleteWe as mothers all seem to have this fear. I had it with each and every pregnancy! It is amazing how much love your heart can hold for each, individual child. Change is scary, but I know you will do just fine, and the minute that baby enters into this world and takes her first breath....you will fall madly, deeply in love All Over Again!
ReplyDeleteI have just stumbled across your post and just wanted to share with you that I too felt this way. In fact I felt guilty about having a second child. Now it is not always easy becoming 4 wasn't as hard a I thought. My eldest still asks occasionally when his sister is going back but these are few and far between. These early years may not always be a bed of roses but it is comforting to know that in years to come they will have each other to turn to. We have made sure that we both spend time 1:1 with each of them and will even do things with one whilst the other goes to grandma. I think it is a mothers lot to worry but try not to. Remember you are adding someone very special and enhancing your sons life not taking anything away. Good luck
ReplyDeleteI just broke down in tears reading this. I am going through the exact same things... I am so excited but feel utter heartbreak in the same breath.
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