My BREAST FEEDING experience....

While pregnant I was taught about breast feeding, It was described as an "intimate and pleasurable moment between a mother and child"

I remember thinking that was kind of weird, I didn't really understand what they meant by "intimate and pleasurable"

Knowing breast feeding was best for both of us, If possible I wanted to breast feed, I was determined to give it my best shot.

When I think back to the beginning of our breast feeding journey the First thing that comes to mind was the incredibly sore chapped nipples, and I remember waiting, I waited around for this so called milk to be able to feed my hungry baby, on the Fourth day I woke up with breasts bigger and harder that I realised possible. At last my milk arrived.

At first I found it anything but natural, feeding a baby was much harder that I had anticipated, there was so much to think about, The position, Was he latched on properly? Could I see him swallowing? While all the time trying to relax to be sure I would have a let down. When I first experienced the let down it came with painful cramps that brought back memories of a labor I'd rather forget.

After a week or so things began to fall into place, I started to feel like I had some idea of what to do. Over the next couple of weeks We learnt what to do together, we did skin on skin, we stared at each other, we got up every 2 hours to feed.

As we bonded I found I enjoyed breast feeding more and more.

When Harper was three weeks old I got my first case of sever infective mastitis, I developed an abscess and had to have it aspirated. I wondered when the pain of child bearing would ever end. Around this time Harper began to develop eczema, it started on his cheeks and began to spread over his body. At around 4 month's Harper's weight gain started to drop, followed by sever constipation. I knew something wasn't right.

We saw a doctor who taught us how best to deal with eczema and were given strong cortisone creams. I followed every order that doctor had given us and there was a lot, After a couple of months of using cortisone twice daily only to have the eczema re-appear the next day I started to worry about the damage of the long term use of the creams. I called a naturopath and made an another appointment with the doctor.

It was then they decided to do allergy testing, at last we had our answer. Harper was allergic to milk, Egg, Potato, Nuts and had a FPIES allergy to rolled oats. I felt so relieved to finally know what was wrong, I also felt devastated it was what I had been eating this whole time that was making Harper sick.

The doctor asked if I wanted to still breast feed and advised it might be easier if I weaned to a soy formula, I decided to still breast feed and made the necessary changes to my diet. The changes in Harper were amazing.

My goal was to BF until Harper was a year old, I've been slowly introducing formula bottles into our days, when Christmas Day came I decided I wanted a day off. Today I wanted to be selfish, to eat what I wanted and to have more that one glass of wine, so I skipped my morning feed and again the next day and then again. It seemed easy and Harper was unfazed.

On the Fourth day thoughts raced though my mind, had I just weaned my baby? I hadn't really planned it, it just happened, Harper took to it so well he just seemed ready. I wounded if it was me who wasn't? I awoke on the fifth day, in a moment of panic I decided I would offer one last feed I wanted to smell his hair, stroke his face, breath him in. I wanted to remember that last feed. As I brought Harper close he arched his back and pulled away screaming, a lump formed in my throat as I realised at that moment it was already over, I knew he was ready and in a few short days he had moved on.

Over the next few days I slowly moved on. I loved having more independence and being able to eat anything but I also missed that special time we shared. I feel this is one of the biggest milestones we have crossed.

I've loved breast feeding my baby more than I ever imaged, it's been an amazingly rewarding experience one that I will miss and look forward to sharing with another baby, I'm so glad I got the chance to breast feed and was able.

Now I know what they meant by intimate and pleasurable, I have felt both.

I won't deny feeding has posed challenges and some days I would have preferred to give my baby a bottle in a mall instead of sitting in a smelly baby change room but for me the pros have far outweighed the cons.


  1. Thank you for sharing! I teared up reading this, thinking someday soon might be Kayin's last time nursing. It's my selfish thoughts though that are making me sad, thoughts that she's not my "baby" anymore or that she doesn't "need" me anymore. But we should be so happy that our babies are growing, learning, developing, becoming independent. And now...enjoy your freedom! You deserve it after all this time!

  2. Aww sweet post. I felt the same way!

  3. This is such a beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing. You are such a good mom. Harper is very lucky to have you.

  4. What a beautiful story you have shared. Ive just given up breastfeeding, yesterday was Johnnys last time so know exactly how you feel. You done a great thing, persisting and giving Harper the gift of mummy milk. Its so good you had the experience, and shared those special times with your son. Nothing can compare

  5. Brave and beautiful story. You went above and beyond to give your boy the best possible nutrition for so long, and that will last forever.

  6. oh man, i never commented on this? i read this so long ago and i still think about it from time to time. you wrote this perfectly, i feel the same way about my breastfeeding experience with henry. it was just time to end it, even though it was hard i think it was for the best. he was so ready to move on!

  7. Great post. I'm always so glad to see breastfeeding portrayed in a positive light. Lately it seems it has been given a negative reputation & I think that is so wrong. Sure it can be hard & painful at first, but what part of motherhood isn't?

  8. I just stumbled upon this post for some reason. I gave my daughter her last breastfeed yesterday morning and I've been experiencing so many emotions. Today was the FIRST morning that I haven't woken to feed her in over 16 months. I feel so lucky to have been able to experience it all, but it doesn't make it any easier to stop. Thanks for sharing your story - it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling a bit sad about this!

  9. this was hard to read. brought tears to my eyes. i'm in the process of weaning my little guy. we are down to two feedings a day. i know it's going to be so hard for me. i'm just trying to take it all in.

  10. Ohh, such a sweet story of you. You are are not alone with your feelings. And Harper is so blessed that he have you as his mom. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.